♥ Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Boy, the Cow, and the FSM
Once upon a time there lived a boy.
He liked cows. Oh yes he did, and very very very much.
But it was sad, oh so very sad, that the cows didn't like him.
"MOOOOO!" they would cry, whenever he came close, and that was an equivalent to a
"I don't want to see your stupid face through all the cud I'm chewing."
And because of this the boy was oh so very sad indeed.
"MOo?" he would call back desperately, just to receive a smack in the face by the cow's tail.
One day he could stand it no longer.
He walked up to the cows, and roared, "WHERE'S MY COW???"
And now this really scared the cows nice and proper, and they tried to chase him away with a tentative "Moo?"
But he was determined, and bellowed, "THAT IS NOT MY COW!!!"
This time the cows scattered real quick, and left the boy standing, alone, on the field of grass.
Then suddenly, there was a flash of light from above, and from the heavens came the most heavenly and holy of all creatures, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
"Oh, call me FSM for short," it said, waving a squishy noodly tentacle airily, before extending it to the boy.
"Er..." was his reply, and he reached out an shook. The tentacle broke off.
"Oh, don't bother don't bother," cried the FSM, noodly appendages still waving wildy and giant meatballs bouncing on its head, as the boy hastily bent down to retrieve the broken noodle, "happens all the time."
"Er..." was the boy's reply once more.
"I heard you calling me?" the FSM carried on blithely.
"Actually I was yelling 'that is not my cow...'" mumbled the boy.
"Ah ha! You must have heard the code from somewhere! It changes every week you know," two white round objects that seemed to be eyes expanded greatly. "Last week's was 'Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.'" The FSM nodded thoughtfully. "Oh yes, that one's deep, that one is. How do you think," and here it raised one tentacle, leaning over to the boy, as if whispering, and whispered, "I manage to do it right now?" And here it indicated its floating body that consisted no more of a conglomeration of squigly white strings, two giant meat balls, and a sprinkling of paramesan, which hovered serenely at least two feet off the ground.
"Er..." spluttered the boy.
"Yes, yes, my pirates have been doing their job, it seems. Yes! Long live Pastafarianism! I do believe...would be only decent to...well, pay them back of course, for helping me spread my message. Ah but enough of them," and here the two great pupils roved around in the whites of its eye, and rested upon the boy, "what of you m'boy! You shouted the code! I have answered your call. Evidently you want to become a pirate, no?"
"Er..."
"Well then, if that is the case, then welcome!"
The boy made a small non-committal sound.
"Ah, now now, there's no need to be scared." The FSM gave him a fatherly pat on the back with one of it noodly appendages, which promptly broke off again. "Ah, that always defeated me, that has," it sighed, looking down at its broken tentacle. "But nevermind that, m'boy. I am a busy man, or rather," and here it seemed to wink, "a busy pasta. There is time to idle and chat later. For now I must be gone to another place where my presence is needed. Another one has called me. Well, I really must be off now. But remember, code doesn't change till next Monday, and when it does it'll be 'Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.'! Personally I think Douglas Adams is one heck of a genius!" It waved his tentacles in goodbye, meat balls now jiggling madly in their white, squishy cage.
And in another flash of bright light, it was gone.
*
In the next episode of The Boy, The Cow, and the FSM, WHY did the FSM meet the boy, HOW did the boy know the code, WHAT do pirates have to do with floating spaghetti, and WHY was the boy screaming, "THAT IS NOT MY COW!" ?
Blogged @ 7:00 PM